EVELYSS / Guides / Travel & Everyday

What to Wear to a Funeral in Winter (Women): Church, Crematorium and Graveside

“At a funeral, the aim is for nobody to notice what you are wearing, including you. Being quietly warm is part of that: it is hard to be present for someone when you are shivering at the graveside.”Her take

Check the funeral notice first

Before you plan anything, read the funeral notice, the invitation or the message from the family. Some families ask for something specific: bright colours, a favourite colour, no black, or a team shirt. If they have asked, follow it; it was chosen for a reason, and it overrides traditional dark clothing.

Also note where each part of the day happens. A service in an old church, a crematorium, a burial outdoors and a wake in a pub or hall each ask different things of your clothes, and in winter you may be outside for longer than you expect.

The safe outfit when no dress code is given

Choose dark, plain and modest. Black is traditional, but navy, charcoal, dark grey and deep brown are all acceptable in the UK. Avoid loud prints, sparkle, very short hemlines and anything low-cut or tight.

Trousers are completely appropriate. So is a dress or skirt that reaches at least the knee, worn with opaque tights in black or a colour that matches the outfit.

• Tailored black or navy trousers, a fine-knit jumper or plain blouse, and a dark blazer or cardigan.
• A knee-length or midi long-sleeved dress in wool, crepe or jersey, with opaque tights.
• A dark knit midi skirt with a matching jumper and knee-high boots.

Your coat: what to wear and whether to keep it on

A plain dark wool coat is the ideal: black, navy, charcoal or dark grey. If your only warm coat is a bright padded jacket, it is still better to be warm; nobody will judge you for it, but consider borrowing a dark coat if you can.

Churches and crematoriums can be cold in winter, and it is perfectly fine to keep your coat on during the service. Wear a thin thermal layer underneath your outfit so the outfit itself stays slim and smart.

Shoes for a graveside, gravel paths and wet grass

If there is a burial, expect to stand on wet grass, soft ground or gravel. Thin stiletto heels will sink. Choose polished flat boots, low block heels or smart loafers with a grippy sole, in black or a dark colour.

If your smart shoes are not waterproof, treat them with a water-repellent spray the night before, and keep a pair of tights or socks in your bag in case your feet get wet before the wake.

Accessories, jewellery and make-up

Keep jewellery small: studs or small hoops, a watch, a fine chain, a wedding or everyday ring. A piece that belonged to the person who has died, or that they gave you, is a lovely exception and often brings comfort.

A plain dark umbrella, dark gloves, and a scarf in a quiet colour finish the outfit. Hats are optional; a simple dark wool hat for warmth is fine outdoors. Keep make-up soft and choose a waterproof mascara.

What to wear to the wake

You will usually go straight from the service, so the same outfit carries through. Wakes are often in a warm pub, hall or home, so being able to take off a layer, such as a cardigan or blazer, matters.

Bring a bag that holds tissues, a small umbrella and anything you take off. A crossbody or a structured shoulder bag leaves your hands free to hold a drink or greet people.

Questions people ask

The takeaway

Read the notice first, then go dark, plain and warm: a long sleeve, opaque tights or trousers, a dark coat you can keep on, and shoes that won't sink.

Read next